dhammadrops

Saturday, January 7, 2012

A Question of Personal Vs Universal Love






Dear Bro Koh,

I have over the years being asked this many2 a time, so the Question is Not new and my answer well rehearsed.

"I wonder how one justifies Prince Siddhartha abandoning his responsibility of love as a husband, father and prince to the different relationships he had in the love to seek the solution to end human's suffering and find the path to Enlightenment? Is there a higher good love that compels the sacrifice?"


The Buddha's wife: Yasodhara

Many people do not realise that this name is NOT even mentioned once in the Canon. The name is found in the later commentaries and biographies.


According to the biographies which were written much later, Yasodhara, his friend and cousin, was Siddhartha's wife of 13 years.

They married at 16, which was the caste custom among nobles in Kapilavastu and lived in luxury.

Siddhartha had dancing girls and female musicians and guards attending to his every whim. But ensconced in a saccharine life of sensual pleasures by his father, who was keeping him distracted from the real nature of life, the harsh realities of Aging, Sickness and Death came as a big eye opener to Siddhartha.

He was catapulted on a Quest to find an end to suffering not just for his wife, child, family, friends, BUT the entire world and all the realms of Gods, Ghosts and unseen beings (life not being limited to this tiny planet). His love for his family is great, but his love for ALL Beings is even greater.

Much of the stories of his life is based on the biographies when tended to make the story Dramatic for theatrical effect, we all think that Yasodhara was not consulted when he left home, that she was abandoned in haste. BUT Why would Siddhartha not consult his friend, spouse, lover, partner, cousin, and parents before setting off to fulfill his life's mission?

The story tales tell of him sneaking off in the middle of the night BUT this is NOT what the canon says! Tellingly, his last act in the palace was not of someone evading responsibility and definitely NOT of one who sneaked in and stared at his wife and newborn, who were sleeping soundly.

Many hastily assumed that Siddhartha coldly disappeared without telling anyone anything. This is completely mistaken. It is quite obvious that he did discuss his plans with his family on what he was doing. In the Majjhima Nikaya, the Buddha described in his own words that "Before my Awakening, when I was still an unawakened Bodhisatta, the thought occurred to me: 'Household life is confining, a dusty path. Life gone forth is the open air. It isn't easy, living in a home, to practice the holy life totally perfect, totally pure, a polished shell. What if I, having shaved off my hair & beard and putting on the ochre robe, were to go forth from the household life into homelessness?'

"So at a later time, when I was still young, black-haired, endowed with the blessings of youth in the first stage of life, having shaved off my hair & beard — though my parents wished otherwise and were grieving with tears on their faces — I put on the ochre robe and went forth from the home life into homelessness."
It is clear that his family were in full knowledge of his plans.

And Yasodhara was not left alone to live and raise their child. She had servants, friends, family, riches, entertainments, companions, and parents very interested in how Rahula their son -- now the heir to the kingdom -- was brought up.

Another point which is beyond the comprehension of most people is that from the records of the past lives of the Buddha, Yasodhara and he were together for aeons of time, from the very day when he made a vow to train to be a Fully Enlightened Being at the time of Dipankara Buddha (many3 Big Bangs and Big Bounces ago) to the present; she had been married to and a faithful companion of the Bodhisatta (the-Buddha-to-be) many times over unimaginably vast number of previous lives, she having vowed that she will support him no matter what the conditions are till he became a Buddha.

We may further not be able to understand it as we judge from our own culture and its values, but in India 2600 years ago one's spirituality trumps all other commitments and concerns. Far from encouraging selfishness, this position benefits oneself, others, and both (i.e., the community). Many also do Not realise that becoming a recluse to seek the truths of life at that time is NOT the manner of a few eccentric fellas BUT the way to further education akin to you and I leaving home to seek a university education. The ascetics were the Intellects of that era who learnt from Elders, debated and Questioned the establishment, and lived in small cohorts seeking the answers to life.

For anyone who ever thinks to misspeak and say,"The Buddha abandoned his wife!" I beg your indulgence to first see the reality of the situation 2600 years ago and not fall into the trap of popular folklore and hearsay. Also please note that as soon as Siddhartha accomplished his Quest -- which was not simply to wake up but to establish an Order that would perpetuate the liberating-truth of the path to enlightenment that we can all follow without being dependent on him -- he returned to teach his former wife Yasodhara and family members.

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