"LOVE”
One can easily speak of “love” – yet, its level, range and quality may differ widely.
From the Greeks, are derived three forms of “love”; eros, philos and agape.
“Eros” is the basal, carnal acts of lust. Hence, the term “erotic”.
“Philos” is a sort of fraternal relationship between friends and colleagues, or a sense of intrinsic love toward certain fields of academic learning.
And “agape” is the feeling of religious fellowship in common spiritual “communion”.
However, all these forms of love have “self” and attachment in them.
Love, in the worldly sense, is a product of passion. Without passion, one cannot love. Without a selfish motive, one is not inclined to love. And all worldly love has the element of “self” in it – one loves because of one’s Self. And this sort of love tends to produce greater attachment. When this love is lost, it turns to hatred. Or when this love is missing, it frustrates one.
When people come together sexually, they would do certain acts which they would normally not do. At the moment when they are engrossed in sex, they accept situations which are primal. Sexual indulgence in its mannerisms and behaviorisms cannot be eliminated from that of the instinct of the animal.
Platonic love is of a nobler level. It is love manifested not by physical association of the body and body, or of wanting to be physically together, but of mental association. Whatever the distance, or barrier, such a relationship is able to produce the most beautiful correspondence and richest poetry, which can exist for all time. And yet, this platonic love need not necessarily be developed in a sensual manner or as men to women. This form of love has no attachment involved and has an enormous quality of dispassion that it does not lead one to states of frustration when the object is not present, and it does not put one into moods of animosity.
Marriage
Within marriage is that type of sexual relation which is approved as legitimate in a society.
And it is meant to continue beyond sexual satisfaction as this relationship has to provide the basis for the care of the offspring and to constitute the socio-economic unit of a household. The accepted form of marriage in modern societies is the monogamous marriage in the sense of a union between one man and one woman involving a total communion of life between the partners and meant to persist for the entire duration of their joint lives.
Family
It has been customary to speak of the historic functions of the family as economic, educational, religious, recreational, protective, and affectional. Of these, only the affectional survives in the modern family; except in the most limited degree, the others having been taken over by communal agencies. Thus industry is no longer found in the home; the educational responsibilities for the child after six or even earlier has been transferred to the school; recreation has for the most part been commercialized; and religious institutions have largely taken over the religious function. Many experts have taken this loss of the functions of the family as the cause of its increasing instability.
The affectional aspect of family life still maintains its vital function. As modern life has grown more complex, social relations less direct, social distance greater, reactions more stereotyped and conventional, the individual has turned more and more to affectional satisfactions expressed through intimacies and demonstrations of affection, sympathy, sharing of aspirations, common goals, etc., whose locale is the family. The focusing of attention upon this function, so intimate and emotional in character and thus naturally fraught with possibilities of conflict, has placed such a premium upon its attainment as to cause the success or failure of family life to be measured in these terms alone.
Parenthood
An often-neglected function of the family is that of personality-development. The family has been spoken of as the cradle of personality in that it is the first group which the child enters and it is here that his personality is moulded through interaction with family members, the whole constituting a unity of interacting personalities.
Motherhood is a term applied to the experience of performing the function of caring for the needs of the young child by the mother. Usually, it includes the biological experience of giving birth to the child, the early satisfying of the needs of the infant, and its emotional development until maturity. Traditionally, motherhood has been thought of as a woman’s primary role and the greatest honour accorded her has been for this function. Ancient cultures have glorified motherhood, even though women’s status has been low, legally, socially and religiously.
With the emancipation of women leading to work outside the home, more careers open to them, motherhood in a more limited sense has come to be recognized in many groups, and a part of the traditional function has been transferred to others. She is no longer expected to spend all of her time with her child; in fact, modern psychology cautions against over-attachment, over-solicitude, and projection her own ideas and aims upon the child. It is because of the early intimate associations between the mother and the child that the mother exerts a profound effect upon the personality pattern the child develops and his later social adjustments.
Loving-kindness
Sex is an inalienable aspect of being human. The aim of Buddhism is to understand the self. And this so-called “self” is made up of Mind and Body. So is sex. In other words, sex is not purely mechanical or "physical". One need not participate physically to be sexually-inclined. Though one may be impaired by some physical sexual handicap (e.g. impotence) or prohibited by social-religious conventions (e.g. the celibacy of a monk), one’s mind may be imbued with sex. For those who wish to abstain from sex, the mind has, therefore, to be taken away from sex, too.
Sex is a conditioned faculty inherited through past Kamma. It has no divine aspect as some religions attribute to it. Marriage, from the viewpoint of the Dhamma, is a social and not a religious issue. The sex act itself is not sanctified but Is regarded as a biological means to satisfying a natural desire. Buddhism advises against the misuse and abuse of sex in that it almost always leads to insatiety and mental instability of the person. It is in this spirit that Buddhists observe the Precept: “I observe the Precept against sexual misconduct: “Kamesu micchacara veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami".
Buddhism neither promotes nor condemns sex. The decision rests with the parties concerned to consider the possible repercussions and consequences which may threaten the harmony of one’s marital and social status. Buddhists view the sexually-inclined with compassion and understanding, knowing them to be victims of a natural desire. Even to the married, Buddhism advises timely and periodic observance of chastity through the Precept of celibacy (Abrahmacariya veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami). Moral looseness is not an inexorable crime but in it lies the potentiality for furthering one’s life in this seemingly perpetual cycle of birth and death (samsara).
Platonic love for one another is noble indeed. But a detached form of “loving-kindness” (metta) to all beings is the highest! While platonic love is essentially restricted to individuals or groups of individuals, loving-kindness is a universal “radiation”.
Loving-kindness/ Metta is a quality of the heart so detached from sensual objects, yet developed by a person toward every object. Unlike any other type of love, loving kindness has no inkling of self at all. Love is the expression of one’s personality because of one’s intrinsic affinity for another. Loving-kindness is the expression of love through another’s personality. This is to say that one is integrated with that person and wishes that person well as one would wish oneself. Loving-kindness is a pure atmosphere which one creates, cleansed of baser states and void of Self.
May all beings be happy and well.
TQ Tammy
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